a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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