Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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