epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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