There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
