Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
