ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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