i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
