whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
