Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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