She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
