obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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