I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
