Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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