On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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