seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I smell stomach acid.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
