Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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