you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
