Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
