It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
