We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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