What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
