I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
