forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
