My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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