How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
