I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
