I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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