Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
