I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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