You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
