if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
