SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
