Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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