You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
