Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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