you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
