We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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