yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
