rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
