Hey man sorry I got all grabby
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
