we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
