a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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