Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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