see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I believe in your delicious
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
