Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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