I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
