So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
