happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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