going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
