yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
