when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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