remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
