The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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