I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
