My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
