Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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