The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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